Marriage in Islam is a sacred relationship. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.” In numerous occasions, the benefits of marriage have been mentioned in the Quran and Hadith such as the completion of half the deen, sustenance, tranquillity, peace and a bond of love. Yet to reap its fruits in life and hereafter, what are the Muslim couple goals that we shall aim to reach?
Muslim couple goals
When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) received his first revelation, he rushed home to his wife Khadija (RA). He was shivering, his heart was pounding and his whole body was sweating. He felt afraid and overwhelmed. Khadija (RA) immediately comforted him by saying “God will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously, and assist those afflicted with calamities who deserve help.”
After 15 years of marriage, Khadija (RA) died and it was called the year of sorrow. Many years later after her death, Prophet Muhamad (PBUH) still loved her and talked about her. He once told Aisha (RA):
“She believed in me, with all her mind and soul. She accepted my message when everyone rejected. When I had no help, she comforted and supported.”
Couples supporting each other through thin and thick are those who appreciate each other’s strengths and challenges. They know when their spouse needs a kind word, a pat on the shoulder for reassurance or an act of service.
Muslim couple goals
2. Romance, love and care
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) with all his duties and burdens always made time to be thoughtful, caring and romantic with his wives. He never took his responsibilities as an excuse to neglect romance in his relationships with them. In fact, he regularly expressed his love in different ways.
Ayesha (RA) is reported to have said that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) would often eat and drink from the same spot on a vessel or bone as her, to show his love. She said: “I would drink then I would hand it [the vessel] to the Prophet (PBUH) and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink. And I would eat the meat from a bone and he would put his mouth where mine had been” (reported in Muslim).
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) also expressed his love for his wives in unique ways. Ayesha (RA) would often ask the Prophet (PBUH), “How is your love for me?” The Prophet (PBUH) would reply, “Like the rope’s knot” (meaning that it was strong and secure). She would often ask after that, “How is that knot?” and he would reply “The same as ever” (reported in Hiya al Awliya).
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was gentle to his wives. He described women as the fragile vessels as he understood their delicate nature. Moreover, he advised his companions to handle them with care. During his last sermon (khutba al wadaa) he said: “Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.”
The messenger of Allah (SAW) would also console his wives in public when they were upset. Safiyyah Bint Huyyiy (RA) narrated: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) went to Hajj with his wives. On the way, my camel knelt down as it was the weakest among all the other camels, and so I wept. The Prophet came to me and wiped away my tears with his robe and hands. The more he asked me not to weep, the more I went on weeping” (Ahmad).
The Prophet (SAW) did not get embarrassed, angry, or impatient. He just reassured her and compassionately wiped away her tears. He (PBUH) was distinctly kind and considerate to his wives in public. Anas ibn Malik narrates: “I saw the Prophet (PBUH) making for her [Safiyyah] a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him [on his camel]. He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiyyah to put her foot on, in order to ride [on the camel]” (Bukhari).
For instance, once the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stopped a whole army, in times of hostility in the desert, to look for Aisha’s misplaced bead necklace.
Likewise, one day he was fixing his shoes and Aisha (RA) happened to look at his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. Mesmerized by the beauty of her beloved husband, Aisha remained transfixed staring at him long enough until the Prophet noticed. So he asked her “What’s the matter?” Aisha replied, “If Abu Bukair, the poet saw you, he would know that this poem was written for you.”
Aisha then explained, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.” Then the Prophet (PBUH) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and told her, ” Wallahi ya Aisha you are like that to me and more.”
3. Help at home
When the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was not engaged in Islamic dawah or the governance and guidance of the community, he would participate in domestic chores and be ready and willing to serve family members.
Al-Aswad reported that he asked Ayesha (RA): “What did the Prophet (PBUH) do at home?” She said: “He used to be at the service of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray” (Bukhari). In another narration, Ayesha (RA) also reported: “He acted like other men. He would mend his clothes, milk his goat, and serve himself” (Ahmad and Bukhari).
4. No place for anger
After the wedding ceremony of Fatimah (his daughter) to Ali, he went to their home and advised Fatima to honour her husband. Then, the Prophet (SAW) headed to Ali and told him: ” Ali, do not get angry, and when you get angry sit-down. Remember Allah’s power over the servants and His tolerance over their sins. If you are advised to fear Allah, abandon your anger and go back to your deliberateness.”
A marriage starting like this could only be a blessed marriage. Therefore, Ali and Fatimah’s home despite being simple was full of love, mercy and worship.
5. Worship together
Many couples underestimate the miraculous effects of worshipping Allah together and instead complain of the lack of romance in their house. We were mainly created for worshipping and hence it is one of our duties to help our spouse achieve our aim.
Ways to encourage your spouse:
1. On Jumaa, remind them to read Surah Al Kahf
2. Wake them up for fajr
3. Encourage each other to fast
4. Remind each other with morning, evening and bed-time azkar
May your spouses be the coolness of your eyes and your partners in Jannah inshAllah.